crisp air and soft hearts-- a post from june 4, 2012

Smile because you never know who's falling in love with it. But what if whatever you do, you just CAN'T smile. Your face doesn't have that energy. Your whole world is falling in and everyone tells you to smile. 

Smile because everyone expects you to.

Smile because everyone wants you to.

Smile so everyone thinks you're okay.

Smile because that's all you have left to do.

Smiles feel like such a fake thing sometimes. Smiles cover up the pain and puts on a happy face for the world to see. Sometimes the smiles fuel your friends so they can be happy. But they never return it. Smiles cover up the pain, tiredness is the excuse. It's so easy to fool everyone. On the outside, they may seem like the most put together girl in the world, when on the inside, they are crumbling so much. The pressure in unbearable. When you let your guard down, that's when the blow hits you. You open up and you get hurt.

My heart aches and my head is spinning. I feel sick, tired, and disappointed. It's like you work on something everyday for more than 6 months and its get thrown away by the person you were making it for. It hurts, a lot. It feels like you get stabbed by a million knifes in the heart. But you don't die, you have to live with the pain. But the worst wound is you were so close to the finish line and it slips away. That's the worse. Having your hands on the prize and it slips between your fingers. 

It's like playing football with a heart.

I know this is a sad post but I just need to say it. They say if he hurts you once- it's his fault. If he hurts you again- it's yours. I guess its my fault this time. We were so close too. It feels like we're taking a break from something we never even had. And the silly part? I think I'm going to wait for him. Because later in life I'll look back and wish I had given it one more shot. Because the best things in life don't come easy. Because I don't give up on something I adore.

You ever know what will happen. Everything happens for a reason and if it's God's will, then let it be.

"'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11

 

Love, Savannah