things i wanted you to know: broken glass

{ my blog url is now: things-i-wanted-to-tell-you.blogspot.com }

and then the tides turned. as they always do. times change, and you go with them.
i'd been hearing things about her.
you never showed anything that made me suspect they were true. i always had a way to talk myself out of believing those things.
we were fine.
and you asked her to homecoming.
i can't even fathom your thoughts.
i don't understand anything right now.
and you still expect us to be fine.

"why didn't you tell me we were done?"

and you acted like you didn't know what i was talking about.

i am so hurt by you. i just want to curl into a ball and sleep forever. i am never good enough for anything. i don't want to make a big deal out of this. i don't know what to do anymore. i am lost. you were always the one thing i felt i could rely on. my end goal i was always striving towards getting. you were my beacon of light. now everything is cold and black. i don't know which way to turn or which way to run. i just want to run back to you and into your arms, where i was always safe.

i want things to go back to how they were before. but that will never happen. i just want to talk to you. i want to hear you tell me you're sorry and you never meant to hurt me and you actually don't like her. but i know you're not sorry, and you said that you didn't want to hurt me, but what do you think you're doing? and i know you do like her. i just want you to hold me while i cry into your shoulder, you kissing my forehead and nose, stroking my hair, telling me you never meant anything between him and her. i still want you. but i know i can't go back. i can't trust you anymore.

"i never want to lose you"
"i just realize how much i always want to hang out with you and be around you"
"and you know i'm always here for you, always"
"i love you savannah :)"

is any of this still true?
i don't know anything anymore.
i'm lost.
i don't know.
i don't know.
i don't.

"i was the one worth leaving" -the district sleeps alone tonight, the postal service

please save me. i want it all back to how it was before.

it's all broken glass. im not sure if its worth getting cut trying to fix it.

love, savannah