You don't want to appear clingy and I am too comfortable with silence

Whenever I think of you, it makes me sad. I know that when we get to this point, it never stays. We wane and wax like the moon. And it makes me sad to know that soon you'll find another pretty face who knows how to whisper in your ear and tell you things until you forget my name and I'll still be standing here just trying to get the nerve to touch your face. I know our history. I can tell you exactly how we will fade, and I can tell you for certain, in a few months you'll be back. I know. I know. I know. But why can't I ever stop the cycle? I'm so comfortable with this constant rejection, it's sickening. I'm fine with the betrayal and inconsistant feelings, as long as we end back up together.  Why can't I fight? I sit around and wait for you to be interested. I expect you to know how I feel without me trying. I need to tell you to stay. I always thought you were the one who left. I thought you just got disinterested in me. I see now that you just were unsure. Why should you put energy into someone that you aren't even sure likes you? We fade out because you don't want to appear clingy and I am too comfortable with silence. Not this time. I won't let this get away again. I'm so tired of this tug-a-war. I know we're going to end up together eventually so why the hell are we just letting this go? We just expect the other to come back. But what if he doesn't? What if you actually find someone who makes you happy and actually fights for you? And what if I find someone who initiates everything and I never have to open up? That thought terrifies me. What if the one thing you've felt so sure of disappears? I know we are made to be in each other's life. I have always known this. But what if we try to replace each other with someone who's a quicker answer. They're interested, ready to date, and are passionate. It's so easy to say yes. But there's no history. There's no connection. That is what we have that other's don't. We were friends before we were lovers. I'm so scared of losing you and I'm never letting you go again. I promise.

Love
Savannah