i fell in love with the same boy

When I was barely 14, I started to fall in love with a boy. We would talk about the sunset at night and who would die first. We were only 14. People say when you're that young, you don't know love, and you don't know heartbreak. I can prove them wrong. He broke my heart into pieces so small, I thought it could never be put back together. I cried every night. But I still loved him. He broke my heart again 2 months later. I didn't understand how I could love someone so much, and they feel nothing for me.

When I was 15, I fell in love with the same boy. A year had passed and now he felt it too. We walked to a field and sat on a bench and he told me he wanted to kiss me. It was the teenage summer fling everyone imagines. We would make out when ever we could, never talking about what we were doing and where we were going with it. It was beautiful while it lasted though. Apparently we had different thoughts about this and he, again, broke my heart 2 months later. I didn't understand how people could have something going on with two girls at once.

When I was 16, I thought I was over him. This is the age most people had their first love. It sucked seeing everyone else together. But he broke my heart and I was tired of doing this. We barely talked, but when we did, I felt that fire burning in my stomach. It told me people don't fall in love with the same boy multiple times and then never feel anything for him again. There was a part of him in me and I had lost something to him. We both dated, but it hurt like hell seeing him with her, and I only dated to show him that I was fine. I didn't understand that making him jealous wouldn't bring him back.

When I was 17, I fell again. He fell too. I'm not sure where this is going yet or the ending. I'm scared though. I don't want to lose it again. This has been the greatest thing in my life and I can't ever think of living without him. If this ends, we only have one year left, then we go off to college. I'm terrified that this won't work out and we will never be able to get back to this point. Only one more year after this. This thing between he and I have been gong on for almost 4 years. I can't imagine living life without feeling anything for him. I'm scared to screw this up. I don't understand how two people can feel so much for each other and not be together.

Love,
Savannah